The blog section

This part of the website is the actual blog section. You know, me writing about my life and such, like good old times.

17/10/2024

Addictive behaviour

I've noticed that I've got addictive behaviour. And I'm starting to treat it differently as just having an addiction.

When I find an album I like, I listen to it on loop (until I completely drop it, for a time or forever).

When I find a video game I like, I play it nonstop, keeping me awake and burning my eyes, until I don't even want to launch it.

Food, I eat literally the same things every week. And snacks, they never ever last more than 5 minutes. If i open the pack of chocolate sticks I'm eating them all.

And of course, drugs ! Ah, it's a good thing that they cost so much money, because that's pretty much the only thing keeping me from doing them every day. But I am physically unable to not be on at least nicotine everyday.

I wonder what it says about me. And I wonder if I should fight that part of me or just tame it and accept that I need an addictive behaviour or else I feel weird. Keeping an addiction because "it's better for me" is delusional in a way..? Is there going to come a point in my life where I can say "Yes, I thought I needed something addictive in my life but that was denial" ? I don't know.

Maybe I really do have ADHD. Or maybe that's another cope. Oh well.

06/09/2024

Your eyes are different on a hike

I went on a bike hike last week-end, it was great. It was near my city, for two days, so I knew most of these places. But I looked at them differently.

So I'm here thinking : why? I know these places but they seem so interesting right now ! And then I realized that this is why i like hiking!

I've had people tell me they don't even try hiking because "what's the point of just going from point A to point B?". Well the point is that you get in a different mindset. And as cliché as this sounds, it's really about the journey and not the destination.

I should hike more, it's therapeutic!

30/08/2024

On my mind : am I actually fucked in the head?

Easy and true answer : of course not. I've got friends, family, hobbies, a job et cetera... It feels like proof that I'm sane.

But sometimes I feel like there's something wrong deep within me. Is there though? Well, not really. I've got as much psychological problems as the next nerd : fear of what people think of me, impostor syndrome, video game addiction, and the little extras that I don't wanna share. But there's not really something that I feel I can't control... Is there?

Probably not. But why do I even say "probably"? Shouldn't I be sure? Who even gives a fuck, and why should I? Why do I ask so many questions?

Well a thing's sure : I probably have an overthinking problem.